Wordless Wednesday - Fluffy Bums and Then and Now (Easter Special)

Hannah - 2010 (4 months)

Maisey - 2012 (3 months)

Wordless Wednesday - sisters bonding before nap time

Dilemma Of The Age Gap...

I mentioned in a previous post about how to decide how many kids is right (well what questions my husband and I have to answer to help us decide). I mentioned in that post that one of the biggest struggles was deciding what is the perfect age gap.

For me this will be the deciding factor on how many children we have (and also max age I want to be...but that can always be stretched). Now I use to think the best gap was two years...that is what is between me and my sister and that is what most people I know say is there "perfect" age gap. But is two years really the perfect age gap? Or has that just become the norm? Is the age gap getting larger over the years? I know a couple people who want large age gaps (to me that is over 5 years) or others that is just the way it worked out for their family. But if you had to choose and had total control (which is very unlikely but lets just go with it :D) over the age gap between your kids what would it be???

I found this article at THE TIMES it points to a three year age gap but states that what ever the age gap you have to make sure that you prepare the older child for a sibling. Also to make sure that you make each child feel special in their own way. But if you go here (to the writer's blog) you can see Sarah Ebner's full article including the missing case study.

Another one BabyCentre talks about the increase of premature birth rates are higher if become pregnant before 6 months and above 5 years. Also points out that with a smaller gap the expenses are closer together but you get the baby part over quicker. While with a larger gap expenses are over a larger time frame and you may feel like you can focus on each child more.

Below is my personal thoughts on choosing an age gap.

Diapers!

I personally wouldn't mind having two in diapers...I use cloth diapers so for me this would not be a major cost. I currently have all the newborn diapers that I would last through at least 2 if not 3 more children.

Potty training.

I really want to have a baby either before my older is being potty trained or has been potty trained for awhile. I have heard several hundred times of moms who said that they were some what potty trained and then regressed when baby came along. I think this is harder to pin point as every child potty trains at their own time.

Never get out of baby mode.

This can be a positive or a negative. One way you won't feel like you are starting all over again like you might if you wait 4+ years. On the other hand it feels like you always have a baby tied to your hip...you may feel like you don't get to enjoy the older child and their growing independence.

On maternity leave with your friends.

This seems like a very trivial way to base the age gap on but it can/could be important to some. So you want a friend to be off at the same time or go through pregnancy together. My sister-in-law was pregnant the same time as me and it was very fun! Especially if you are due as close as we were (my daughter born three days after my niece). We got to complain about morning sickness and heartburn together. It felt like you had someone who truly understood what you were going through...because they were!

University...

Having children closer means that you pay a larger amount at one time (or closer together). If they are farther apart there is breathing room to add to the savings. But this also means that you will be paying for University of a larger span which can be hard if you want to save up for retirement. With a smaller gap you can start on retirement savings sooner.

But I guess when it comes down to it as long as we give the same attention (as possible) to each child I think any age gap can work out. There are positives and negatives to any age gap. Also I think a small age gap is just as likely to give you close children as a larger age gap. Though I still think I would love a two year age gap...that is if everything goes as planned. :D

Lots of Bunny-Hugs!

Cecette

p.s. if you google "perfect age between kids" there are a lot of blogs, articles, and forums that bring up this topic.

How Many Is Just Right...

My little girl turns 8 months here in August and it is amazing how she has grown. She now can almost crawl (a commando style where she pulls her self along with her arms), can get to her hands and feet (with her bum in the air) and is developing a personality of her own. It is fun to see how she reacts to new things and is just starting to get into everything. It is amazing how she knows what I don't want her to play with as she seems to be attracted to those things.

However, with her turning 8 months my thoughts do turn to having a second child. At this time we haven't really set a limit on the number of children we want. It originally started out as 3 kids (as both my husband and I have two siblings) but for me the number changes every day. I do know that I would like to provide a sibling for Hannah so I know the number we want is more than one. I do like how compact that two children are (not the children themselves but the amount of stuff that you have to bring) compared to 3, 4, 5 or more. However, I see moms in the store with 4 little children toddling after them, it looks so cute. I know that in reality more kids are stressful and can be a money strain but I do think that there are some positives to a larger family.

So how do you know when you have hit the perfect number of children????

After a lot of thinking and searching the net for help I have narrowed down to a few questions that might help us decide....

What is the maximum age you want to be when your last child is born?
The chances of complication rises with age, as well as a decrease in fertility. Also do you want to be in your mid to late thirties and still be getting up with a newborn?
I am 24 right now so I think I have a little more leeway with the age issue. However, I would like to still be less then 35 when I am having my last child. Now, I don't want to say that people shouldn't or can't have children over the age 35 (my husband will be 38 at that point). For me and my husband it would be ideal if our children were at least in there 20's before I turn 55. That way we would have time to save for our retirement plus have a few years were we don't have children in University to support.
So for me it works out to being about a 10 year span that I would want my children in.

What age gap is right for you?

If you want 5 years between each, you want to be finished having kids at the age of 35 and you are having your first at 23. Then you really can only have two children...unless you alter one of the parameters...such as different age gap or your maximum age (cause if you already have a child you can't really alter your current age :D)
This one I really still struggle with...so I will go into this in the next post (I have been doing lots of fact finding on what people are saying about the perfect age gap).

How many children can the place you live accommodate?
If you are not willing to move then your have to think about the living arrangement that you can accommodate. Would you have every child have their own room or would you want to double up in a room? I grew up in the same room as my sister and didn't get my own until she went to University (I was then in grade eleven). Eventually my hubby and I will be taking over the family farm where the homestead house has 4 bedrooms (other then the master room) plus there is room in the basement for at least two more bedrooms. So this really does not limit us.

Can you/are you willing to get a bigger vehicle if needed?

We have a VW GTI and a Chevy extended cab truck. We could squeeze three kids into the car but anymore and we would need a larger vehicle. My ideal situation would be to get a large SUV and keep my car for work travel. I don't really see this happening but I could always dream.

Can you afford childcare if both parents have to work?or is one willing to stay home?
I just signed my DD up for childcare to start in January of 2011. For an infant full-time is $500/month and a toddler is $450/month. Now I am not sure if there is a discount for the number of children you have in at once but it can get pretty expensive. I work as an RN and will be going back to work to help support the family when my husband starts to farm. My hubby would be able to parent on weekends, evenings, and nights but he has lots of farm work to accomplish. Plus, after the move there will be lots on his plate to figure out. So it is just easier for us if we can get our daughter into daycare.

I have also read online that with more kids eventually you do have someone who could look after the other kids. Now this also depends on your oldest child's temperament. Are they capable of looking after the other kids (and will the other kids co-operate with having a sibling babysit?)

I believe that the amount of children you have should be based on how many you can emotionally, physically and financially support.

The best piece of advice that I came across was on the website Family Education. At the end of the article about planning for more children it talks about being flexible. That the best idea is to have a "settle-in period after the birth of each child" and then you can "readdress the issue if more children". This is important because it "prevents you from finding yourself overloaded based on a random number you may have pulled out of your head long before your wedding night."

I think that is a pretty good idea.

or I could just take an online quiz and have it decide for me...lol...if you were wondering I did take several, and they usually said 3 or more....hmmmm didn't really help lol

Lots Of Bunny-Hugs

Cecette